I stared down at my phone, my mind going a million miles a minute as I stood there unable to react. I wondered if he knew. How would he? If there’s no way he could know, would it be fate? I don’t know. I build up the courage to unlock my phone and click the notification that sends me to my Instagram. A friend request. From him.Last December, eight months ago, I moved away from the city I’ve always known to pursue a man I knew through a good friend. We had known each other for years, and after lots of texting, video chatting, and visits, we decided to give it a try. I had just graduated college and wanted a change of scenery. My family was also a factor in driving me away, but that’s a story for another day. Anyways, we didn’t work out the way we had planned. The spark burned out quickly and the arguments more frequent. I’ve always been one to enjoy the chase, to feel wanted and adored. So, when the spark died, so did our relationship, and I moved back home with my sister, Jordan.This brings us to today, an ungodly hot August afternoon at the park with my sister. I set down the basket and unfolded the blanket in my other arm. Jordan took the opposing ends and assisted me in stretching out the sheet and claimed a spot on the large green field. We sat down and unpacked the basket, grabbing the bottle of wine first, I poured us both a glass and started to drink my nerves, quickly.“What’s going on with you, Lana?”I wiped my mouth where the red liquid had dripped down my chin. Thankfully I chose a red shirt today, what luck. “Brad followed me on Instagram.”She stared at me, mouth open with a devious look on her face. “Girl. What did you do?”“I didn’t say anything,” I looked down, trying not to show my sheer panic. Why do I still feel this way? “I haven’t even accepted his request yet.”“You have to! I know how you still feel about Brad. He wouldn’t have done it out of nowhere, right? Do you think he’s still mad?” Her excitement rose and fell as she remembered what happened between us.Brad. I’ve forced his name out of my head Sex hikayeleri for months. Whether it was because I was trying to give my last relationship a real shot, or I just simply felt guilty, I knew I couldn’t let myself fantasize about him. Brad and I had always been good friends. He was kind, but not to everyone, trustworthy, honest, and the best kind of friend you could ask for. We decided to put our romantic feelings on hold for a few reasons. Mainly, neither one of us was ready to potentially throw our friendship away for a shot at something more. We meant too much to each other. But, that definitely never stopped us from flirting. We would tease other, touch each other, and even sexted a few times, we just couldn’t help it. Somehow though, we always resisted the urge to make it something more. When I left, I was kind of running away. From my problems, my family, and my feelings for him. I knew he wouldn’t like it, and my new boyfriend at the time knew our dynamic together. He hated Brad, and always thought of him as a threat to our relationship. So, when I moved away for my new start, I didn’t tell Brad. Never texted or called; nothing at all.“I was waiting to accept his friend request with you,” trying to play off my genuine fear, “should I send him something?”Before she could answer, I had clicked ‘accept’ but what I saw threw me through an absolute loop. I looked up at her with disappointment clouding my eyes. His most recent post. Not only was he in a relationship, he just proposed to her. I shoved my phone toward her face showing the post celebrating their engagement.“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding,” she spat, her eyes wide and angry. After analyzing the post for a few moments, she looked up at me, and before I knew it I started to weep.The sun had set as we drove back to her apartment. We changed the subject quickly after our unfortunate discovery and I’d kept to myself once we got into the car. I couldn’t think straight. She’s beautiful. Why did he even want to reconnect? How Sikiş hikayeleri did he know I was back in town? Is he still angry? Was he ever? We pulled into her parking lot and made our way up the insect-ridden outdoor stairs leading up to apartment 2a. I followed her into the refreshingly cool apartment and announced I was ready to get to bed. She gave me a hug and a quick apology, which I’m sure regarded Bradley, and we split off into our rooms.I lay in my bed, stripped down to my underwear, staring at pictures of his face. He feels so nostalgic, my home. Seemly being ripped right out from under my nose. I can’t really be mad though right? I mean I did the same thing. That doesn’t matter though, I can’t shake this burning feeling of jealousy in my stomach.Ding.A message. A message from… Brad? This can’t be happening.My heart dropped at his text. “What the fuck, dude.”I didn’t know what to think. He really is mad, huh? Can’t really say much now, can you? I write back, “Hey to you, too. What’s your problem?”Another chime rolls in, “Call me, now.”I sit back against my headboard. I notice I’m physically sweating now. I can’t call him. He’s going to chew me out. I didn’t mean to hurt his feelings, it just seemed like the only way at the time. I guess I owe him an explanation. Plus, I have a few things to say about his new fiancé.The phone starts to ring and my heart is beating out of my chest. I notice the ringing stops, but no voice greets my call. Silence. I can feel the tension through the phone. He finally starts, “Who the fuck do you think you are just ghosting me, dude? I had to hear from all our friends that you just left, and you didn’t even bother saying anything to me. Not when you left, and not the whole time you were gone.”His anger fueled my rage I didn’t know I was building. I shot back, “I have a perfectly good explanation for why I left the way I did. What could you possibly have to say about this random new girl you decided you want to marry after eight months of knowing?” I felt Erotik hikaye tears forming in my eyes.“You don’t get to question what I did while you were away, I got to a point where I accepted that I was never going to see you again. I was so mad at you, Lana. You have no idea. God, you’re such a bitch, sometimes. And why are you even so mad about her.”His words stung. He was right. We’ve never even attempted a relationship, so who was I to question who and when he would marry? I felt myself get quiet and defensive. “I don’t know, Bradley.” I fought myself to find the next words to say, but I couldn’t. I just outed that I was jealous, how embarrassing.“Why are you mad, Lana.”“You know why, Brad.”His voice lowered, “I want you to say it.”“I don’t have anything to say.” My voice was low and uneasy. My embarrassment was clouding my judgment. I’ve always wanted Brad. This might be the last time I could tell him how I feel. I don’t want him to hate me, what if I say the wrong thing?Silence filled the air for a few minutes. I found myself fidgeting with my nail between my teeth.“Where are you staying now?” His voice breaks the silence.“Jordan’s.”“Send me her address, I’m coming over.” The phone call ends, and I realize how alone and small I felt in my room. Oh my god. Oh shit. I go to his messages on my phone, seeing an old conversation that seems like forever ago. I didn’t even think twice and sent it.I checked out my curvy, seemly perfect naked body before wrapping myself in a towel, momentarily forgetting I was in a rush. I’m pretty sure I cut myself a few times shaving so quickly. I’m not sure what I expect to happen, but any time I’ve ever met up with Brad I make sure I’d look damn good naked for him. I want him to be in shock if he ever saw my body. To see his face finally turn from platonic flirting to horny and aroused just from seeing me in a new light. I’ve dreamt and daydreamed about that moment for years. I throw on a matching set of underwear, a deep blue laced push-up bra, and cheeky sheer panties. On top I put on an oversized black band tee, and put on some black high socks, I know he loves those. I quickly finished brushing my teeth, put on deodorant and a vanilla-scented lotion, finishing off my downplayed look with a few sprays of my staple Chanel perfume.